The Call

Today I cried.

And it felt good.

Real good.

I don’t cry all that often. But boy when I do, I release some really deep, pent-up emotions…I suppose like most anyone does. But this time. This time. It’s different. I am crying sober. And that is new to me. I used to cry all the time while getting plastered in my room. But this moment was not like the others.

I was hurting deep inside for something I have missed for a very long time. I am starting, slowly, to realize that I have been doing it all wrong. I have been going at this sobriety all alone. Leaving out the inspiration and driving force behind me and my existence. The reason I am sober, writing and creating to begin with.

And that is a faith in something bigger than I am. Stronger than I am. More steadfast. With infinite amounts of wisdom and determination. Be it God, be it the Universe, or be it my Higher Self calling me…I know deep down that I have ignored this aspect of myself for far too long.

I missed that today.

Truly, madly, deeply.

And I fell in love.

All over again.

On the car ride home…smoking cigarettes and listening to chillout music.

I was thankful.

Thankful that things seem to be falling into place for the first time in almost 12 years. I cannot express how much of a relief that is. I felt deep within my soul. I overheard it through my guttural cries and all.

I was listening to The Call. How ironic, eh?

I came right home, got on my computer, churned out a poem, and put my tears in motion: Dear God, Where Do You Rest?

Then read it to my mother. And then she cried.

Nothing but healing vibes abound today.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s