I have an issue I am working on in this brain of mine. I feel like I have nothing to offer anyone. Or, I know I do, I am just left to feel as though I do not. Some friends and family are so quick to judge my life and tell me how to live it, who to be, where to be, when to be, etc… I am never given any credit for how far I have come and surpassed my own limitations. I do not strive to be better than anyone else, I strive to be better than the person I was yesterday. And I want credit for that, dammit. I feel I qualify for that at this point in my life and after all the crap I have been through.
I am so used to being told that I need to do more, be more, strive more, etc…. that I feel as though all my efforts are counted as useless. I feel as though others think I am totally unaware of self. Which is ridiculous! How oblivious do you think I am? My God in heaven.
I am okay with who I am now. I really am. I know me. I like me. I would like to finally relax in that person for the time being instead of feeling like I should be more so. I would like a honey moon for me and me. Know what I mean? People just cannot relax and chill and realize that I am doing the very best I can. When are you going to be okay with the fact that I AM OKAY?
I guess this comes down to assertiveness training. I need to learn to be more assertive with folks that pick and push and pull.
Okay, rant over. Had to get that out and I may expand on that more later when I think on this a bit more. Oops, there I go again…always pushing issues further…