Catch the Buzz.

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Catch the Buzz.

That was my signature. That was my portfolio. That was my business card. That was my website. That was my venom, so to speak.

Before graduating college for Graphics, our professors had encouraged us to create portfolios and an artist’s statement that stood out from the rest. Market yourself, they said. So I did. And in a big way.

I was kind of a jack of all trades back in college. I could do print and web. I was a photographer. A drawer. An artist.

So, after mulling it around for a while, the idea of the ‘worker bee’ came to me. I considered myself a very hard worker bee at the time, actually.

I created a portfolio centered around this idea; everything from a website to a business card – all with the catch phrase “CATCH THE BUZZ.” It was basically an interactive package shaped like a honeycomb that folded out into a flower; each section or piece revealing a quote about bees, their hard work, my work experience and resume. To top it off, there was an interactive CD in the middle of the ‘flower’ that showcased my artwork and website, and there was a business card that fit neatly on top.

It was definitely something that many companies buzzed about. It was fresh. It was cool. It was tight. It was ahead of its time … back then. I wish I had it to illustrate.

I got a job at a leisure company that specialized in All-Inclusive trips to the Caribbean and Mexico. The art director held onto my resume for two months until the higher ups were convinced that a position needed to be created for these set skills and talents. So, I was brought in as a Graphic Designer and ten years later, I walked out as an Associate Creative Manager.

Now, in that time, I had been triggered into Alcoholism and Bipolar Disorder, each getting progressively worse as time wore on. Not blaming it on the company by any stretch of the imagination, but it did play its roles in my breakdowns, as most things did at the time. Now, I never drank on the job, unless we were down in resort for business trips and FAMS. But I did show up almost everyday hungover and that is for certain. I was literally catching the buzz my entire career.

Fast forward to four years ago, two years before I resigned, I was diagnosed with Bipolar One. Classic Case. Everything seemed to really spin out of control at that point. Before I left, I was trying to get in on weekends to create a new portfolio…a more refined “Catch the Buzz” project, if you will. Hate to admit it, but on the weekends, I was drinking a bottle of gin a day. And I would work through it, ironically enough…all while catching a buzz. It’s just the reality of it.

I never did know why it was so hard for me to finish the project, and I never did. I started, but I didn’t get very far and it is obvious to me now.

For most of my life, I have seen very distinct signs in my life that come around to teach, guide and reveal. Prophetic dreams, sychronicities, serendipities, universal prodding and poking. This was definitely one of them. A sign that carried through for ten years straight. A sign I can’t really honestly say that I wish I would have seen back then; for it is because of my abuse and mental states, that I have found myself again. I don’t know what direction my life would have taken had I not been through so much.

I used to be a worker bee – a jack of all trades and master of none. But today I can proudly say that I have emerged as a Queen. A Queen in her own hive. A Queen of her own mind. A Queen that stands alone. A Queen that sings her own song and dances her own dance. And a Queen that is mastering herself. And for that, I am forever grateful.

I am a Queen – Master of ONE.

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