I have a friend that is going through the exact same thing I did a year ago, concerning mania and spiritual emergencies. It is literally like talking to myself then and staring at me in my face. We are so very similar in that way. It is really tough to follow, but I will be damned if I treat him like some of my friends did during my crisis. Plus, he’s got some really good stuff to say. Hardly anyone was there for me after the fact and I am still very resentful over that. It is a very hard thing to deal with, I understand that…but to flat out ignore me, talk behind my back and up and abandon me while I am going through it is bullshit and was uncalled for.
You can’t just come back into my life and pretend everything is back to normal…ONLY when it suits you. ONLY when I get my shit together…ONLY when I am ‘perfect’ in your eyes. You are a friend and I consider that one of the highest duties and privileges anyone could have and I take it seriously. It’s through sickness and through health…at all times. It calls for a lot, and quite frankly if you can’t live up to it, GET OFF board because I can’t wait around for you to grow up. And I certainly cannot wait around for you to wake the fuck up.
I am sorry, but there are just some things I cannot forgive. I sound like an unforgiving bitch, but I don’t care at this moment. I will remember how they treated me, what they stopped me from, what they did TO me, and how they left me high and dry … the next time they are in crisis. I will remember.
This includes family, too. Most certainly.
Luckily, there have been a number of people that have come into my life over the last year that have gone through the exact same thing…and I take that as a sign that things are working out as they should, so not all is lost. I move on from here. If you’re on board, you’re on board…if not, jump.
As for my friend, I will stick by his side, through thick and through thin the best way I know how. I couldn’t imagine having him feel like I did when all was said and done…as if there was no one left who cared, to feel alienated and to feel like you are simply crazy and completely misunderstood. It simply breaks my heart to even think about. I can’t even go there or I tear up. I will make it my life’s duty to make sure not many have to go through what I went through. It doesn’t have to be that way and I want people to know this.
My heart belongs to those going through these issues. Period. My heart no longer rests in the palms of fake friends. I move on.