I am not sure when I dropped this idea of a soulmate or life partner. Some may assume that it is out of fear of never finding that someone, or because I was so badly humiliated in my search over the past years, or some would just assume it’s a selfish move. I don’t know. But I dropped the whole idea all together.
I remember the day I asked my mother, point blank, “How do you know you love someone?” She answered, as most do, “You just know.” From that moment forward, it was my mission to prove her wrong, or at least figure out a way to really explain the phenomenon of ‘falling in love’ or ‘loving someone’. It was literally the underlying theme of my entire life so far, up until this year.
I don’t really believe in monogamy anymore. I don’t find that it really is natural at the core of our existence, or at least not mine. I just don’t. I don’t believe in the institution of marriage. I believe it’s an ‘ego’ thing in a desperate attempt to keep us ‘safe’ and to stunt our true nature and spiritual evolution toward becoming whole.
I find a lot of freedom in letting go of this idea of finding one soul mate. It is a relief to me as I concentrate on becoming whole first, and finding my path in this life while fulfilling it for the betterment of others. It’s actually a sign of personal growth, healing and personal triumph. If I do find another whole, what a force to be reckoned with. It will be a great blessing and beyond my wildest dreams. But I don’t see that I will stay with this person for the rest of my life on this earth.
I see myself evolving ever so quickly these days, internally. I fear that this idea of ‘possessing’ the heart of anyone will stunt both of our journeys in this life. I want to grow like a hermit crab. I know that sounds really strange, but just look at how they find their temporary ‘homes’ and move on to the next as they outgrow their past. That is how I view soul mates and that is how I view my future. May seem selfish or lonely to most, but to me it is something that is natural and the best personal option for optimal ‘growth’
Just a’ rambling on….