I’m not sure where my ambition and strength ran off to. Maybe into the arms of a man who couldn’t care less whether I exist or not. He once was my strength, but today took a turn and when I collapse into his gaze, I realize he has transformed into my weakness.
Today, I saw a glimmer of my old self … A fever pitch, rising in my blood. A desire and a sense of self…someone who can hold her head up high. I’m not sure what I was doing for the last month, but I wasn’t working as hard as I thought. Or maybe I was. Maybe I was simply working overtime at holding myself together. I guess sometimes we need a month or two to wait as the glue sets.
Maybe someday I will have it all, even in my brokenness. Maybe, just maybe, I can hold my head high with a sense of dignity and self-hold while a King kneels down to his Queen. As for today, I cannot have all the nice things.