It was my birthday as the clock struck midnight. I was completely nude, sprawled out on my red satin comforter as the blood ran cold from my wrist, when there was a knock on the door. I jumped up and wrapped it around my body like a cape as I answered the door in anticipation. Finally my soulmate had arrived! I had chased this figment of my imagination to Niagara Falls and back only a month prior. Only to be locked up and deemed insane.

I swung the door wide open to greet him. It was the EMS with an ambulance. Still, I thought I was being transported to heaven where, at long last, our union would be blessed. They asked me questions and took my blood while my dog ran around in a frantic stooper trying to save me. I joyfully went along with the show. After all, they worked pretty hard at remembering their lines.

They transported me outside and I caught a glimpse of two of my closest friends, crying and in a panic. I was overjoyed to see them, serenading me on my journey with emotion and tears. I thought to myself, “what great actresses!”

The ambulance driver and I talked of heaven and hell as he drove me off to an undisclosed location. I had the same conversation with another ambulance driver a month before in NY. And 5 years later, I’ve had the same conversations with new drivers countless times.

My destination was not heaven. I had been sorely mistaken. It was hell. After so many times facing the Wolf, I sometimes wonder, “maybe it really is just me.”

But my heart still begs me to believe that it is not. I have a cape after all. It’s just in storage.

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