Venting – Not my typical post and not well-written, but needed to get this off my chest. ABUSE IS NOT OKAY. I don’t care how insignificant our jabs may seem. Me included.
It’s been an extremely long time since I have come face to face with complete ignorance, emotional and verbal abuse. In fact, it shocked me after years of surrounding myself with positive influences and advocating for the flipside of mental ‘illness.’ Oh, dear, you messed with the wrong women. Although I have lost friends and family over the years due to suffering from something beyond my control, I have never seen a display of fear, ignorance and abuse in my life like I have in the last 2 weeks.
I have a very close friend of mine staying with me for a little while until she begins a new career and starts a new chapter in her life. She happens to be my roommate from one of my hospital stays last year at this very time. If we didn’t have each other during our stay, we would have crashed further down slippery slope.
We were a powerhouse team. Left brain and right…to a T. We worked tirelessly on solutions to a very big issue in mental health care. With her business prowess and my creative edge and background, we teamed up in secret to create a flow chart and design for affordable all-inclusive sanctuaries and mental health retreats in the Caribbean and United States that focused on the whole of recovery: Mind, Body and Spirit. Great ideas have to start somewhere. Along the way, we also found time to laugh it all off and see the hilarity in our situations, something not many on the outside will ever understand.
We were both released in 2016 and reconnected after a long haul in therapy, rehabilitation and recovery from an extremely traumatic time in our lives. She has come extremely far and I couldn’t be more proud. Her team knows the strides she’s taken to right her life, so she can get her son back and move on from one of the most emotionally and mentally abusive men I have ever encountered.
Although I can see the bigger picture and know that, in time, the courts will favor her and her astounding recovery and continued care, she is stuck in an ever increasingly deep pit of abuse from said ex. I’ve witnessed it for myself for 2 weeks now, and his first racist and abusive texts to her after the election seared an ugly picture in my mind. Everyday, he hangs her mental ‘illness’ (fucking HATE that term btw) over her head and tells her she is failing in life, isn’t a good mother, is a psycho and won’t make it. EVERY DAY AND HOUR. When it could not be further from the truth. Then after a barage of abusive texts, he sexts her, expecting a response. If she doesn’t give it to him, he immediately calls her unstable and says she is sick with mood swings. This isn’t even the half of it! But I wont even go there. He’s the text book definition of a psychopath and gaslighter. And her professioanl care team agrees. It’s not only me.
I am so amazed by her cool and collected responses. Afterall, she keeps her son in the forefront of her thoughts and chooses not to make waves, which I completely understand. But if it were me, I’d be livid. L.I.V.I.D. He is clueless as to the strength, resilience and power it takes to not only survive a severely damaging time in our lives, but to also rise above and beyond it.
You know me enough by now to know that I do not tolerate shit like this at all anymore. I’ve been writing about stigma, mental health and abuse for over two years now. I am glad I am strong enough to support her at this point. She needs someone who advocates for her recovery and mental health. She needs a positive outlook and encouragement.
Yesterday, he was texting her and getting jealous she had a friend like me. I’m no dummy. I know behind his abuse lies fear beyond scope. But it’s no excuse. He needs help, but he refuses to see it. He’s completely blind and maybe having his son taken away from him will change that. Who knows.
Then he dared to get personal with me. He knows I live with Bipolar and probably knows I was her roommate. He thinks I’m a blob on a couch that does nothing and I can only imagine he thinks I am a flaming liberal and 100% psychotic. She explained what I did and he asked bit back and said, “Maybe I’ll fuck her. Is she chubby?” Of course I told her to tell him the truth and that I don’t give a shit what he thinks. We had a few, calculated and choice words with him. Then he told her to stop laying on a mentally ill person’s couch, as if I were a disease or not a whole human because I live with bipolar and overcome it in great strides. He is messing with the wrong people. That we assured him.
Stigma is understandable…can’t lie. I get it bc I have to. Whether we like it or not, it’s here. But it doesn’t make it okay. And I’ve fought hard to remedy this in my own life and the lives of others. Sometimes, it’s simply a matter of explaining the condition with which you are faced and hanging up the phone for good. Sometimes, it means walking away from those whom you thought would understand. Sometimes it is accepting they had to walk away from you. As hard as it is, it is 100% reality. And, we have to deal with it.
What is not okay, is abuse and psychopathic behavior twisted into vindictive and cruel ways that only damage further and even more so than said disorder. We have enormous hearts because unlike the absuser, we’ve been through the darkness and recovered on the otherside. We have boldly faced our demons. So, in part, we understand where it is coming from. But that’s also why many put up with it and don’t get out of mentally damaging and dangerous situations.
ABUSE IS NOT OKAY. IN ANY FORM. AND KARMA IS A SON OF A BITCH, REST ASSURED.
One day, in not-so-distant future, she will be able to turn this trauma into a powerful example to inspire others. She will never look back. It is important to see the bigger picture in all we set out to do, but don’t forget the perseverance found in every small step that will get you to your end goal.
She is stronger, more capable and has much more going for her than many people I’ve met along the way. That speaks volumes.
It’s people like her that will undoubtedly help to change the world, one huge stride after another.
As for him … he’s two steps away from a 302.