Not everything is as it seems. I never once fell into these unorthodox sites, spiritual ideas and dynamically brilliant people that have led me ‘home‘, by chance. I did not just adopt my views this way because it sounded nice or fed some ego-driven and insatiable need to win a gold star from the Gods. I sought them out by describing exactly how I felt, what I was experiencing and what others, who had walked this path, saw in me at the time I was diagnosed. I needed answers and, yes, my life surely did depend on it. I am not the only one. There is a strong theme that runs through a Kundalini awakening, “Beauty in the Breakdown.”
And most anyone can agree, we didn’t do it for sheer amusement. Waking up isn’t some trippy sunset meditation at the top of a mountain somewhere, although that will come in time. No, at times it’s arduous, tedious, explosive, emotional, chaotic, confusing, contradictiory, dangerous, scary and even paradoxical. It is painful emotionally as your heart lets go of the old to make room for the new. It is painful mentally as you sometimes wonder if you’re truly losing your mind. It is painful physically, akin to growing pains, as literal flashes of heat run from the tips of your toes to the top of your crown.
And, its prerequisite is Loss 101. We’ve lost our old ideas of mostly everything – our identities, our culture, our upbrining, our connection with the world, our outlook, our familiarity, our routines, our families, friends, sanity, beliefs, egos, material possessions, … and the list goes on and on as we continually shed our outer layers and reveal what lies beneath – the seat of our soul. It’s a reshaping and unraveling.
Why do we go through this process if there is so much loss and chaos, then?
First, it not so much a matter of choice as it is acceptance when we are open to the experience.
The article below sums it up best, and is worth repeating this short clip –
“If what you have longed for is a deeper connection to the root of life, the capacity to see through the convoluted thinking in yourself and others, to spontaneously be more in touch with compassion and love, and feel freedom from judgment and suffering, then you will find yourself joyful in being present in a place you never imagined you could be. You will feel free of the mental division that distressed you, and open to what each moment brings.”
To deny anyone of their right to explore this, and chalk it up as delusional and psychotic, simply because it doesn’t fit traditional beliefs in a specific culture or is a threat to this illusion of power at first glace, is disheartening at its best … and psychological abuse at its worst, with extreme potential consequences on each individual. PTSD, for one. Severe depression, for another. Uncontrollable rage and behavioral issues, a third, Addiction, another…on and on and sometimes, ultimately leading to suicide.
I have witnessed it time and time again, not only on a personal level, but also in the lives of those I have met along the way.
If you walk into a psych ward and you see some of us in lockdown, under restraints, in padded rooms, screaming bloody murder with a needle stuck in our arm … the following article about the Chaos within Kundalini, may clue you in as to why. In some cases, and aside from mind-numbing antipsychotics with a whole host of detrimental side effects, there is something burning within many of us that we are not allowed to voice.
Trust me, if we all were denied a chance to express one of the most beautiful, chaotic experiences of our lives, denied a chance to sort it out and to become whole in this new light … our soul, too, would be left to decay.
Denial only makes symptoms worse and more profoundly exaggerated, leading to … you guessed it – stronger drugs, longer stints and a life-long focus on and recovery from these bogus ideas that we are insane, sick and/or disabled. So, for the rest of our lives we waste our time and become hyper focused on fixing ourselves to fit into this world instead of reaching beyond ourselves to create a better world in which all can thrive.
Ever wonder why we see so many soulless eyes staring into the abyss, left to drool in puddles and rock back and forth like children consoling themselves? It’s not because we are ‘insane’. Most likely it is because we had our voice snuffed-out, dignity ripped out from under our shuffling feet and life rendered barren in the seat of our soul.
I’ve had the chance to get through to many in my day (including myself), although it is a challenge at times with the Dr. watching over your shoulders. If approached in a new light with respect, love and patience at the forefront – there is life left, there is beautiful story behind these minds on fire, a bright future ahead and a life to be fully lived, experienced and adored.
To approach one as if they, too, are God, we’d see much better results, empowerment from within and more love spread forward.
Never deny someone their Universal Right to experience the power and light within. This should be celebrated, not condemned and silenced.
Your story and legacy is brilliant. It’s beautiful. Some would say stunning. Others will gather around to watch you glow while expressing it. And I hope one day that you, too, get to see it unravel before your very eyes.
●●●●●● below copied from kundaliniguide.com ●●●●●●
Kundalini – Chaos & Completion
“It is not unusual to find yourself feeling chaotic in the kundalini process, and to find those who advise you giving guidance that only makes things worse. As you describe what is happening to you energetically, emotionally, and psychically most people can only apply their personal paradigm – a perspective based on their own experience or reading about someone else. They may try to fit you into a personal theory as positive as being influenced by divine intervention, or as threatening as demonic and discarnate entities. They might project that your experiences are due to mental illness or past mistakes, or tell you to become a follower of someone who will take control of your life. They may prescribe medication, offer “clearings”, or suggest practices that intensify the energy.
Even when well-intended, some people will have a perspective that is more frightening than healing. You must learn to stand in your own authority, listening to your own Truth, choosing how to care for yourself in the way most congruent for your unique needs.
Unfortunately the awakening of kundalini energy is still uncommon enough that there is no western paradigm to describe it, and the eastern science of it is complex and obscure, and usually poorly interpreted by those who have not lived through it.
It is not well understood that this process may occur spontaneously, outside of a spiritual practice or tradition, as well as erupt in a chaotic way even in the best of circumstances in an ashram or spiritual community.
When kundalini arises you are entering a new phase of development: in a way this is a de-volution, a kind of shedding of your old patterns, both emotional and physical. Your energy body is shifting, rewiring itself, dumping toxins, and creating new potentials for consciousness. This is as revolutionary for your system as was the move from childhood through puberty. Imagine if you had resisted puberty and tried to stay 12 years old forever, what extra stresses would you have had to face? It is much more helpful to feel willing and open to the transformation you are in.
It is important to find your own wisdom and guidance, tuning in to the energy itself, listening to the body and what it seems to need from day to day, slowing down and exploring what is authentic for you. This may change from day to day. There may be days when you find yourself weeping or reliving old memories. There may be days when the body feels open and blissful and all you care to do is dance and listen to inspiring music. There may be moments when rushes of heat overwhelm you, and other moments when you love everyone in the world. World news can cause despair, and yet you may weep for joy at the sight of a sunset. You may have no interest in food or sex for a few weeks, then a sudden voracious appetite. You will likely feel out of control at times. But hopefully there will be a small voice deep inside that reminds you on occasion that all will be okay. You are only in a process of opening and change.
The unexpectedness of yourself can be alarming – are you going crazy or dying? You have entered a world that is completely unknown. You may lose interest in old friendships. So often our friends are people with whom we share our stories and dramas, plan adventures, intellectualize and commiserate, or have a few drinks. Suddenly you may lose interest in these activities and so socializing feels like a pressure and a burden. Something inside is inviting you to be more alone, more quiet.
Kundalini energy is an accompaniment to psychic changes – that is, to new perspectives and patterns of consciousness. It is the rewiring of the system to bring awareness to the forefront, to allow presence and the essence of the moment to be more available. Mental activity and thought may take a backseat. So it is like a clearing and a reprogramming, most likely opening the creative and compassionate right brain which is often suppressed by the western emphasis on intellect.
The energy can cause a deep emptiness to open up along with “the cloud of unknowing” of which Christian mystics speak. To the extent you can release fear regarding all of this, listen to the most authentic voice within yourself, remove toxins and stressors from your diet and your life, and be open and curious even when the body is shaking or the heat is rising, you will find you can navigate through this process.
Is it a gift? It can be. If what you have longed for is a deeper connection to the root of life, the capacity to see through the convoluted thinking in yourself and others, to spontaneously be more in touch with compassion and love, and feel freedom from judgment and suffering, then you will find yourself joyful in being present in a place you never imagined you could be. You will feel free of the mental division that distressed you, and open to what each moment brings.
If you are expecting magic powers or power over others, popularity and wealth, perfect health and a life without any obstacles you will be disappointed.
Spiritual awakening does not change life itself – it changes how we interact and respond to what is. It provides a perspective that is inherently accepting and willing to be present where we are. It clears away the debris of conditioning.
This takes time, of course, and perhaps in some way the clearing away never ends, for as we become free of our own personal history we still have our human history, and our planetary history, to be transformed. But it is easier once there is a felt sense that underneath it all “I” am okay, connected to the whole, and life is flowing just as it is meant to be, like the river moving to the sea. You will find this “I” becoming more translucent or transparent, less attached to itself, and even momentarily dissolved so that you can come to understand yourself as One with all that is.”