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As I delve deeper into the world of mental health, unlocking myths of psychiatric claims and care, new research on underlying causes that go unacknowledged, learning to take responsibility for some, while also developing a spiritual backbone and how this aspect of my life is largely intertwined … This week can be summed up with one, simple and ‘balanced’ Hypomanic Sugar Cube:
There are days I go to great lengths and choose to remain calm, balanced and centered. Then there are the days I also go to great lengths and still go ape-shit. Then, there are those rare days I breathe in and out through the nose, stand in awe, while balancing both worlds, and remember … My Circus. My Monkeys.
I had a rough go at it this week and it’s all become one big blur. As I post these messages that I have created, I realize I don’t even remember creating them. I thought I would have one or two at most. Turns out, I was busy.
It’s been a whirlwind of change, standing my ground, fighting hard and advocating for my spiritual and mental health and simply detoxing from some medication while being upped in dosages for others.
I am exhausted. Emotionally, Mentally, Physically.
But, I remain grateful.
The only thing keeping me going at this point is the fact that many in my ring have come forward with their own personal stories in response to my own and have in many ways been inspired as well as have validated my own experiences. There isn’t a feeling and sense of accomplishment more positive than this, at this time.
It is the goal. To speak up. Speak loud & clear, yet calm & focused. Strength in numbers, as we, who have walked this path stand strong in the face of stigma, corruption and decay within the System.
I had a few snafus this week of rage-fueled rants, but I quickly brought this under wraps and have been paying close attention to my wellness by escaping into the country, being in nature, talking it out, finding natural remedies for anxiety and soothing this fire within.
I am human. This is all a learning process as I navigate waters and collect my thoughts on a very large issue within the Mental Health System that not many are willing to face or fight against. It is the toughest battle that I have ever faced and that says a lot as I have been faced with this, not only personally, but through immediate family, since I was born. You’d think it’d be easier by now.
It is a beast.
I literally grew up pinned with this badge, holding this shield, and wearing this armor.
I will rest. But I assure you, I will never quit.