Raw.

They said everyone loved me, but how? It wasn’t even true until I met you. Someone who knew where I’ve stepped off the deep end and to what extent I tried to right my ship after such a huge fall.

It is about that time I’d forgive you and move on. About that time that I’d ask you to come home and comfort me as I stood up from the grave once again and reached for healing.

But you’re gone.

And you’re the one who needed the healing.

And now I’m the one asking for forgiveness.

I never got a chance to say I’m sorry for the words I said to you last. And I’ll never forget that I wasn’t there to stop you this time.

But how do I stop a crumbling facade hiding the wreckage behind your eyes? How do I stop the pain that crept in from betrayal and years of neglect? How do I force those closest to you to see that if we had all surrounded you with an unparalled depth of understanding, things may have been different? And, what of the temptress that you could sink your teeth into – some light and levity to lift you from the pit you fell into?

Would that have been enough for you to see that there was more to live for than the brevity in bliss pricks?

Even a solid foundation of truth cannot stand up to escapism so raw, especially when all of our blood ran thick with lies.

In this, I am reminded we were all once human and somehow this has shown us that we were always more.

Godspeed.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. lorenealbers says:

    OMG, dear Elizabeth, this is so raw and heartfelt that even those who are fortunate enough not to have fallen victim to addiction can comprehend, and feel empathy for, the sheer terror, the sheer loneliness, the sheer abandonment that is felt by those who have.

    Brilliantly written but, more importantly, deeply felt for its love, loss, pain and understanding. Thank you for sharing.
    L.

    1. OnTheRocks says:

      Thank you, Lorene. Your understanding and empathy is deeply felt. Much love to you. 💖

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